Testimony of a Diaper Fixationist

Why in the world do I put God and Diapers together? The answer is based upon my past, of which I shall now share with you. I was raised in a dead Presbyterian church. The love of money was shared among its members, except for my family who was poor. It was one of those Sunday Suit and Tie things and the kids tended to make fun of us all. Me and my sister saw all this as hypocritical as we did read the Bible. At that time I was also going to an Episcopal private school because my mom taught there and was able to get us in for free. Every Tuesday we would have to take communion and kneel alot on those benches. Basically I got bad religious ideas shoved down my throat at a young age. Their teacher was right, but they never lived in him. Jesus's teachings of love for all mankind and love for all was spoken of in such a sacred manner that there was no such thing as having a real relationship with Him. It was too much routine and it felt like he wasn't alive and we were talking to someone who lived in the past who never answered prayers.

Before I met with this representation of God I met with diapers. By the age of 6 I became fixated on them. I wanted to wear them again, but couldn't because I thought it was wrong. So all I could do was to secretly dwell on diapers. I started not as a diaper fetishist, but much earlier as a diaper fixationist. I was fixated on diapers because my mother still wiped me up until age 6. One night my drunken father put a stop to it but in doing so it traumatized me. Had I been 2 I would've demanded to be put back in diapers. But since I was 6 all I could do was to become fixated on them. I would dream about them and I desired them so much. I held so much in. By the age of 10 I was about to explode. One summer off of church school I became really bored and that was when my past came back to haunt me. I had started praying about wiping. That was when evil came into me. Then when I wasn't praying I was swearing in my head. I wanted to see if God would do anything. Since my parents had divorced by then I had become a latchkey kid I had soo much time to kill. I would watch TV until 5 in the morning. I would swear over and over in my head. I would cry for mercy and then think evil thoughts over and over. I couldn't let anything go. I desired diapers so much that I would make them out of towels and trash bags. I didn't want them for sex, I wanted them for comfort. I was never comforted and needed some. I think though that at the end of the summer I had made up my mind to get things right and not to think about it. I actually practiced thinking about other things and eventually it subsided. I cried alot that summer. Now that I look back I can't but feel sorry for such a mixed up little boy.

Not only did I feel alone, I felt scared and unloved. My mom was worried about her own problems so I didn't dare come to her with mine. My sister was a smart alec who challenged me so I didn't dare appear weak to her. I thought of God as someone who was so powerful that I didn't dare ask him for anything. As far as I was concerned I was on my own. I had to deal with my fascination and fixation on diapers on my own. As I grew up it evolved into a diaper fetish, then full blown infantilism and now it is back to a diaper fetish. Once sensuality is thrown in the mix diapers become elevated as an important part of my being.

So why God and Diapers? Because God did eventually save me. He delivered me out of the bondage of diapers and out of the bondage of all sin. He answered my prayers. Once I came to truly know and trust in him I was no longer part of this world. I understand my flesh is still in bondage and will forever be in bondage, but my spirit is finally free. See when I went crazy at the age of 10 I had tied my spirit in with diapers. Infantilism became my new religion. I would get comfort from diapers. I would get love from wearing them. I would get satisfaction from using them. My spirit would dwell upon diapers all of the time. Nowadays I don't think of diapers as being all important in my life. God has taken over where diapers once were. I became saved just 3 years ago and my life has changed forevermore.

It happened one morning on September 28th, 2002. I was woken up by the sound of my name being called. (I live alone). It was early Sunday morning. I felt a real pull to go to a Church nearby. So I put on a suit and tie and walked into a Baptist Mega church. Where I was wasn't important. It was what the minister said that I still remember to this day:

"There once was this young girl whose father had died when she was young. Her mother passed away as well. She lived her life as a very happy person serving the lord. I asked her - how can you be so happy? Aren't you alone? She answered,"God has always been there. He is my father and mother. I never feel alone and that is why I am happy."

That hit me so hard. I could relate. I had felt like my real parents were dead because I was so sad and alone alot. That day I let all my feelings out in the new member's room. I gave up all of my sin. I prayed the sinner's prayer and asked Jesus to come into my life and be the father I never had. I didn't care anymore about this world. I wanted someone whom I could love unquestionably and who would love me back. I now have that in Jesus Christ.

If you are reading this then you might just know what I am talking about. The feelings of being the only one in the world, of being unloved. I beg you, just try to love God and Jesus and accept them into your heart. Pray for a relationship with Jesus. Pray that you will follow his teachings and will believe and confess of his atonement for your sins. It is not in testing God that you will get your proof. It is in loving God.

Romans 10:5 - 13
For Moses writes that the man who practices the righteousness which is based on law shall live by that righteousness. 6 But the righteousness based on faith speaks as follows: "DO NOT SAY IN YOUR HEART, `WHO WILL ASCEND INTO HEAVEN?' (that is, to bring Christ down), 7 or `WHO WILL DESCEND INTO THE ABYSS ?' (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead)." 8 But what does it say? "THE WORD IS NEAR YOU, IN YOUR MOUTH AND IN YOUR HEART"--that is, the word of faith which we are preaching, 9 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, "WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED." 12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; 13 for "WHOEVER WILL CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED."

The Law of Liberty

Today I'd like to talk about the "Law of Liberty". It was said in my first comment the following - "If out of any relationship (including the one with your diapers) causes me to spend less time with Jesus, I should probably cut it out."

I wish it was that simple. Unfortunately the act of "cutting it out" causes me more time with obsessive thoughts about diapers and less time with Jesus. Let's say I can take care of my physical needs in say 10 minutes a day. I have the rest of the time to think about Jesus. Now let's say that I cut it out as I have done so in the past. I was spending hours and hours a day thinking about not wearing diapers or masturvbating. It took soo much time away from Jesus. In the end I had to use the Law of Liberty to allow me to set my mind upon Jesus, of which being saved is a part of.

So here is the Law of Liberty:
James 1:25 - But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

John 8:31-36 - 31 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." 33 They answered Him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never yet been enslaved to anyone; how is it that You say, `You will become free'?" 34 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. 35 "The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. 36 "So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.

So the Law of Liberty is this: Jesus has freed us from all our sin, PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE. Once I was saved I became completely free. Keep in mind this is not a "right to sin" liberty. It is a liberty to not be in bondage to sin. Romans really talks about the flesh and sin as well. In it we can see that those who are in bondage and dwell upon the flesh are committing the greater sin. If I do not dwell upon my fleshly sin, such as mastervating and diapers and I keep my mind set upon God then I have truly divorced myself from this world even though my flesh still participates. Romans deals heavily with the flesh. Of which this book is usually seen as reason to not do something. In reality it can be a reason to do something a little so that our spirits will stop being in bondage to the thoughts of this world. The key in any kind of action that separates us from God is to separate our hearts from the action. If the action is able to be stopped then that is the best. If the action cannot be stopped(such as mastervating), then let it go quickly and always stay focused on God. Even when you do wear diapers and mastverbate keep your mind on God always and remember since you are in Christ Jesus, you cannot be condemned. Desire to be together. Desire to never be separate from His Love. Desire that your flesh lose its appeal and that your heart gain favor with the Lord.

Romans 8:1-9 - 1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.

I end with a message of hope. The disciples themselves dealt with the flesh. Jesus commanded them 3 times to stay awake with him and 3 times they slept. Of which Jesus says,"The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Peter was told he would deny Jesus 3 times. And he did out of fear for his own flesh. In the end Jesus wants us to love Him moreso than any kind of abstinence as a remediation of our fleshly weaknesses:

John 21:15-19 - 15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My lambs." 16 He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Shepherd My sheep." 17 He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Tend My sheep.

Is Diaper Wearing a Sin?

Did you ever see the episode of "CSI" called "King Baby" where the guy who died was an adult baby. Basically it went through many aspects of being an Adult Baby and it showed us in a close to realistic light. One thing that was thrown out very quickly I would like to talk about. His mommy said,"He explained to me that it was in the Bible and I was to clean him." This is not the first time I have heard someone reference how infantilism is in the Bible. So my question was, "where?" Offhand I believe they are actually talking about Bittergrey's website. It is my belief that normal people of faith stumble across websites that deal with God and diapers and assume that somehow we have married the two and we preach to people to wear diapers. Basically they don't get it at all. The idea behind these websites are to preach to people who ALREADY are wearing diapers. I am doing this site because I feel that God has called me to help the Adult Babies and lead them out of despair. I am not saying to be saved you must wear a diaper. That would be wrong. So let's take a gander at some biblical truths and lessons. Since I am IRL a software engineer I will pull these together logically the way a program would be written.

1. Is diaper wearing a sin? Is being a baby a sin?
That is easy. No. Nowhere in the Bible does it ever mention that adults wearing diapers or "swaddling cloth" is sinful. Jesus we all know is without sin.
Jesus was wrapped in swaddling cloth and was a baby at one time. He soiled himself many times. Being a baby must not be sinful. Therefore the conclusion is that such things are not sinful. It can't be sinful at any age either. There are no laws regarding age and sin except for the old Jewish traditions. Since it is not sinful to be a baby at a young age therefore it must not be sinful to be a baby at any age.

However, A Big However. As a Christian the law of God is increased. It is no longer based upon the physical world but upon the heart. In the Old Testament adultery was wrong. Jesus increased this and made it of the heart by saying that any man who lusts after a woman is committing adultery. He changed the definition of adultery from the physical lust of a married person to the heartfelt lust of a married person. Keep in mind adulterer's still have to have something to do with marriage. He also changed the definition of "sin" to be more than disobeying in the physical world. Sin is now disobeying in one's heart. That's great you say. Then why did you say the answer is "no". Because the only logical definition of what adultery can be is breaking of the marriage covenant in the physical world(OT) or the spiritual world(NT). To add other definitions to it adds to the word of God and is an abomination. (See the last paragraph in the bible). Diapers are an object and are not a married person. Diapers are just underwear. Do you think you are sinning if you enjoy wearing boxers over briefs?

2. So it is ok to pleasure myself?
I Corinthians 15-16
15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."

Now as our understanding increases so does the responsibility we have to God and our fellow Christians increases as well. I do believe that God does give us time to ourselves. To revitalize and restore our "Temple" as it is. The Bible says our bodies are Temples of the Holy Spirit. It mentions uniting it with a prostitute and how that is wrong. I believe this to be so. However, Anti-masturbatory people add to the Bible again and say that any kind of release is wrong. Nowhere in the Bible is masturbation mentioned as a sin. The first part about our bodies being a temple is used in parables that Jesus teaches. Most of them are related to the spiritual world and not the physical world. To start with, the foundation that we build upon must be solid. That foundation is the Rock which is the Cornerstone which is Jesus Christ. Before I go any further. If your foundation is built upon money, looks, wealth, diapers, envy, deceit, games, movies, or tv then when the storm comes you will be blown away. I ask you to reconsider having Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. More directions can be found here.

Back to the temple. If the passage talks about the physical world (which I believe it does since it mentions the flesh) then one is to assume they are talking about health. The definition of health does change over time. I can just imagine ancient Christians putting leaches all over their bodies and talk about how they are cleansing their temple. Now we know that was not healthy, but the problem was that mankind is only beginning to learn how to be healthy. It used to be thought of as fat people being healthy. We now know the exact opposite. The conclusion is that in the medical field of today masturbation is seen as a healthy thing to do. Therefore if one is to follow the Word then one is try to be healthy in all things and that includes healthy masturbation as well as dieting.

Also, the New Testament is a mirror of the Old Testament. Practically everything that happened in Jesus's life and practically every letter in the New Testament has scriptural significance relating to the old testament.

"But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one." Mark 10:6-8 NIV

A key word is Flesh. You cannot become "one flesh from two" with masturbation or with diapers. It is physically impossible. Any additions to this is an abomination as well. See people like to think that being sexually immoral has something to do with their own genitalia, when really it has something to do with what you perceive other's genitalia as(like looking at porn) and what you do with other's genitalia(like sleeping with a prostitute) or what you desire to happen to your genitalia from their genitalia(lust). That is why the Bible is very clear that those are sins.

The Bible is not clear at all about our personal needs and this has to be so because all of our parts, all of our brain, all of our hypothalamus and hormones were carefully thought out and planned by God. He created everything. For us to assume that we are not to manually incite our own testerone when puberty hits and feel our own sexual elation in our brain is to assume that God's workmanship is flawed. God gave us opposable thumbs. He gave us the ability to release on our own. Not as a test, but as a way of avoiding the things which really are sin(see previous paragraph). I find that when I release I do not think about women, or genitalia or desire sex. If you look at it like this then you will realize that 10 minutes in the evening can give you purity all day.


3. So I can just go off and be an Adult Baby all the time, no consequences? God won't judge me for it?
Listen, I do not know your heart. Only you do. The most important things in the whole universe throughout time deal with the heart and specifically love. If you Love God without your heart, body and soul and you Love your Neighbor as you love yourself and you love Jesus and accept him as your personal savior and you even love those who persecute you and are your enemies then what is diaper to that?

As for God's judgement. Well let's just say this. God destroyed Israel countless number of times for breaking just one commandment about idolatry. How many of us have lied? If we were to take on God's judgement everyone on earth throughout time would go to hell. I say this because it is written in the bible. I am no one to proclaim anything of God's Judgement. I just read the bible and try to understands God's will. What I have written here today could've condemned me if it was wrong. But my belief is in Jesus Christ and something that he offered all of mankind:

Grace, LovingKindness and Forgiveness of all sins, past, present and future.

His grace and mercy demands respect. This respect comes to a healthy fear of God, which is justified. God can still chastise Christians for disobeying his words. How do you know if you fear God? You must become humble and abide in him. That is the way to truth. Jesus is the light. He came into the world to save it and not condemn it. That is why Christians can be free. We are not free from sin, but we are free from death. Jesus died and rose up from the dead to prove it.

So as you continue on trying to understand God and diapers and sin just remember to not dwell too much on sin. Quit spending your time thinking about sin and think about love instead. It is love that frees us.

--"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute,if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things." (Philippians 4:8)

God will eventually cure Infantilism

Now don't get me wrong. I am 30 years old and have been into diapers since I was 6. That is 24 years of being obsessed. There is no turning back for me. However, I believe if I was caught at a young age I could've been helped. Definitely before puberty is the best time to have a chance at a cure. That is because the sexual libido is not associated with diapers. As time goes on you will get more and more into it until diapers become a required part of your sexuality. I've learned to love em. So now, how does God fit in with all of this? How in the world can God love a fetishist? The answer is he loves us all. You see there is a very narrow path that a Christian can walk where their lives are not the healthiest yet their spirituality is. You basically have to divorce yourself from everything of this earth. Nothing matters anymore, not diapers, not money, not pride, not love from anyone. The only thing that matters is the will of God and how you must fear him. So don't I fear God's wrath?? Yes I do, very much so. We've had many a talk and he has shown me that removing diapers will be the last step in my walk. I must have patience. I must let his will be done on his time. The only way for me to have major spiritual victories is to start with the small ones and win them for God's glory. The time will come when I sacrifice my whole being for the will of God. And that is when I will be at the crossroads. So for now, hold steadfast to your faith. Hold on to God's Love. Always dwell upon the good things of God and pray continuously for the Will of God to be done. Ask for protection from Evil. Do all these things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Jesus Loves the Adult Babies

This blog is made for Christians who are infantilists. It is built for those who have found Jesus and want to fulfill the will of God and yet have to live with infantilism. I am such a person. I have to live with infantilism the same way a disabled person has to live with a wheelchair. The same way an obsessive compulsive person has to live with OCD. I believe that infantilism is a disease that cannot be cured and must be maintained. It must be limited and taken as a disability. Some people say sin is the disease and we are free from Sin through Jesus Christ. I completely agree. However, just because you are free does not mean you are capable. I am completely free to never wear diapers or think about diapers again. That is a freedom I have in America and in Jesus. But I am not at all capable of doing so. I have tried over and over again and always fail. The desire is so ingrained in my being that to not wear diapers for an extended period of time would cause my whole body and soul great distress. I became obsessed and depressed and my life was in ruins. I realized that I was physically not capable of removing infantilism from my life. I then thought God could do it. That was the last time I quit. I studied sexual addiction books, even joining a freedom from sex sin group and prayed and prayed and became really close to God. I still know that God can remove all of my infantilism if he desires. But I have free will and that will is not capable of resisting diapers. I basically have thrown myself at God saying "Your will be done, if infantilism is bad remove it from my thoughts and desires, you are more important than anything." Yet it is not removed. And then Peace Envelopes me. I have no worry. The grace of God contains all. Since I believe in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and I can never obtain perfection then I am saved. Diapers make no difference. I will continue to wear them until I go to heaven and leave the flesh behind. When I was saved I was damaged goods. On earth I will always be damaged, but my heart has changed forever. I am not trying to convince anyone of anything with this blog. I am just calling reality out. I am not struggling and I am so very thankful to God for peace and good will. I ask that as you read and make comments you tread lightly and always think,"What if it was me?" Then you will be humbled by what we talk about. I pray that those that come here will gained a Godly perspective on infantilism and learn that it is something to weather the storm of the world. In the end it will die, and you will live.

What the Bible Says About Infantilism
http://understanding.infantilism.org/notes.php